I took a claim a few months ago for a super kind woman who has terminal breast cancer.
This year, at the Komen Race for the Cure, I wrote her name on my shirt. It said "ML: To Your Future!" With a little pink heart.
Today I read she died on Monday.
Rest in peace.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
The Blue Dot
In the vastness of things, we live on a little blue dot. However, we honestly should take better care of each other and our Mother Earth. This place is all we've got...and probably all your children's children's children have as well. We need to consume less, hate so much less, make better choices...and think more deeply about our choices and their impact as a whole. We ought to grow more, build and destroy less, medicate less, love more, listen more, be more present. Judge less, read more, be still and quiet more often. Still. And quiet.
Link here to a beautiful piece narrated by Carl Sagan.
Link here to a beautiful piece narrated by Carl Sagan.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
It really is disgusting!
I have been thinking about this "phenomenon" for some time. I can't believe the garbage that comes out of people's mouths about a lot of things, especially about the President of the United States. It is nauseating to me.
***
America – He’s Your President for Goodness Sake!
By William Thomas
There was a time not so long ago when Americans, regardless of their political stripes, rallied round their president. Once elected, the man who won the White House was no longer viewed as a republican or democrat, but the President of the United States. The oath of office was taken, the wagons were circled around the country’s borders and it was America versus the rest of the world with the president of all the people at the helm.
Suddenly President Barack Obama, with the potential to become an exceptional president has become the glaring exception to that unwritten, patriotic rule.
Four days before President Obama’s inauguration, before he officially took charge of the American government, Rush Limbaugh boasted publicly that he hoped the president would fail. Of course, when the president fails the country flounders. Wishing harm upon your country in order to further your own narrow political views is selfish, sinister and a tad treasonous as well.
Subsequently, during his State of the Union address, which is pretty much a pep rally for America, an unknown congressional representative from South Carolina, later identified as Joe Wilson, stopped the show when he called the President of the United States a liar. The president showed great restraint in ignoring this unprecedented insult and carried on with his speech. Speaker Nancy Pelosi was so stunned by the slur, she forgot to jump to her feet while clapping wildly, 30 or 40 times after that.
Last spring, President Obama took his wife Michelle to see a play in New York City and republicans attacked him over the cost of security for the excursion. The president can’t take his wife out to dinner and a show without being scrutinized by the political opposition? As history has proven, a president in a theatre without adequate security is a tragically bad idea.
Remember: “Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
At some point, the treatment of President Obama went from offensive to ugly and then to downright dangerous.
The health-care debate, which looked more like extreme fighting in a mud pit than a national dialogue, revealed a very vulgar side of America. President Obama’s face appeared on protest signs white-faced and blood-mouthed in a satanic clown image. In other tasteless portrayals, people who disagreed with his position distorted his face to look like Hitler complete with mustache and swastika.
Odd, that burning the flag makes Americans crazy, but depicting the president as a clown and a maniacal fascist is accepted as part of the new rude America.
Maligning the image of the leader of the free world is one thing, putting the president’s life in peril is quite another. More than once, men with guns were videotaped at the health-care rallies where the president spoke. Again, history shows that letting men with guns get within range of a president has not served America well in the past.
And still the “birthers” are out there claiming Barack Obama was not born in the United States, although public documentation proves otherwise. Hawaii is definitely part of the United States, but the Panama Canal Zone where his electoral opponent Senator John McCain was born? Nobody’s sure.
Last month, a 44-year-old woman in Buffalo was quite taken by President Obama when she met him in a chicken wing restaurant called Duff’s. Did she say something about a pleasure and an honour to meet the man or utter encouraging words for the difficult job he is doing? No. Quote: “You’re a hottie with a smokin’ little body.”
Lady, that was the President of the United States you were addressing, not one of the Jonas Brothers! He’s your president for goodness sakes, not the guy driving the Zamboni at “Monster Trucks On Ice.” Maybe next it’ll be, “Take Your President To A Topless Bar Day.”
In President Barack Obama, Americans have a charismatic leader with a good and honest heart. Unlike his predecessor, he’s a very intelligent leader. And unlike that president’s predecessor, he’s a highly moral man.
In President Obama, Americans have the real deal, the whole package and a leader that citizens of almost every country around the world look to with great envy. Given the opportunity, Canadians would trade our leader, hell, most of our leaders for Obama in a heartbeat.
What America has in Obama is a head of state with vitality and insight and youth. Think about it, Barack Obama is a young Nelson Mandela. Mandela was the face of change and charity for all of Africa but he was too old to make it happen. The great things Obama might do for America and the world could go on for decades after he’s out of office.
America, you know not what you have.
The man is being challenged unfairly, characterized with vulgarity and treated with the kind of deep disrespect to which no previous president was subjected. It’s like the day after electing the first black man to be president, thereby electrifying the world with hope and joy, Americans sobered up and decided the bad old days were better.
President Obama may fail but it will not be a Richard Nixon default fraught with larceny and lies. President Obama, given a fair chance, will surely succeed but his triumph will never come with a Bill Clinton caveat – “if only he’d got control of that zipper.”
Please. Give the man a fair, fighting chance. This incivility toward the leader who won over Americans and gave hope to billions of people around the world that their lives could be enhanced by his example, just naturally has to stop.
Believe me, when Americans drive by the White House and see a sign on the lawn that reads: “No shirt. No shoes. No service,” they’ll realize this new national rudeness has gone way, way too far.
Link to article here.
***
America – He’s Your President for Goodness Sake!
By William Thomas
There was a time not so long ago when Americans, regardless of their political stripes, rallied round their president. Once elected, the man who won the White House was no longer viewed as a republican or democrat, but the President of the United States. The oath of office was taken, the wagons were circled around the country’s borders and it was America versus the rest of the world with the president of all the people at the helm.
Suddenly President Barack Obama, with the potential to become an exceptional president has become the glaring exception to that unwritten, patriotic rule.
Four days before President Obama’s inauguration, before he officially took charge of the American government, Rush Limbaugh boasted publicly that he hoped the president would fail. Of course, when the president fails the country flounders. Wishing harm upon your country in order to further your own narrow political views is selfish, sinister and a tad treasonous as well.
Subsequently, during his State of the Union address, which is pretty much a pep rally for America, an unknown congressional representative from South Carolina, later identified as Joe Wilson, stopped the show when he called the President of the United States a liar. The president showed great restraint in ignoring this unprecedented insult and carried on with his speech. Speaker Nancy Pelosi was so stunned by the slur, she forgot to jump to her feet while clapping wildly, 30 or 40 times after that.
Last spring, President Obama took his wife Michelle to see a play in New York City and republicans attacked him over the cost of security for the excursion. The president can’t take his wife out to dinner and a show without being scrutinized by the political opposition? As history has proven, a president in a theatre without adequate security is a tragically bad idea.
Remember: “Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
At some point, the treatment of President Obama went from offensive to ugly and then to downright dangerous.
The health-care debate, which looked more like extreme fighting in a mud pit than a national dialogue, revealed a very vulgar side of America. President Obama’s face appeared on protest signs white-faced and blood-mouthed in a satanic clown image. In other tasteless portrayals, people who disagreed with his position distorted his face to look like Hitler complete with mustache and swastika.
Odd, that burning the flag makes Americans crazy, but depicting the president as a clown and a maniacal fascist is accepted as part of the new rude America.
Maligning the image of the leader of the free world is one thing, putting the president’s life in peril is quite another. More than once, men with guns were videotaped at the health-care rallies where the president spoke. Again, history shows that letting men with guns get within range of a president has not served America well in the past.
And still the “birthers” are out there claiming Barack Obama was not born in the United States, although public documentation proves otherwise. Hawaii is definitely part of the United States, but the Panama Canal Zone where his electoral opponent Senator John McCain was born? Nobody’s sure.
Last month, a 44-year-old woman in Buffalo was quite taken by President Obama when she met him in a chicken wing restaurant called Duff’s. Did she say something about a pleasure and an honour to meet the man or utter encouraging words for the difficult job he is doing? No. Quote: “You’re a hottie with a smokin’ little body.”
Lady, that was the President of the United States you were addressing, not one of the Jonas Brothers! He’s your president for goodness sakes, not the guy driving the Zamboni at “Monster Trucks On Ice.” Maybe next it’ll be, “Take Your President To A Topless Bar Day.”
In President Barack Obama, Americans have a charismatic leader with a good and honest heart. Unlike his predecessor, he’s a very intelligent leader. And unlike that president’s predecessor, he’s a highly moral man.
In President Obama, Americans have the real deal, the whole package and a leader that citizens of almost every country around the world look to with great envy. Given the opportunity, Canadians would trade our leader, hell, most of our leaders for Obama in a heartbeat.
What America has in Obama is a head of state with vitality and insight and youth. Think about it, Barack Obama is a young Nelson Mandela. Mandela was the face of change and charity for all of Africa but he was too old to make it happen. The great things Obama might do for America and the world could go on for decades after he’s out of office.
America, you know not what you have.
The man is being challenged unfairly, characterized with vulgarity and treated with the kind of deep disrespect to which no previous president was subjected. It’s like the day after electing the first black man to be president, thereby electrifying the world with hope and joy, Americans sobered up and decided the bad old days were better.
President Obama may fail but it will not be a Richard Nixon default fraught with larceny and lies. President Obama, given a fair chance, will surely succeed but his triumph will never come with a Bill Clinton caveat – “if only he’d got control of that zipper.”
Please. Give the man a fair, fighting chance. This incivility toward the leader who won over Americans and gave hope to billions of people around the world that their lives could be enhanced by his example, just naturally has to stop.
Believe me, when Americans drive by the White House and see a sign on the lawn that reads: “No shirt. No shoes. No service,” they’ll realize this new national rudeness has gone way, way too far.
Link to article here.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Canning
There is nothing quite like the satisfaction of the "pop" of a freshly canned jar of whatever as it seals itself. It's been a long day of chopping, cleaning, squeezing, stirring, boiling, cooking, peeling, stacking, washing, stirring, measuring, pouring, wiping, draining...but! Every time there's a pop, I'm satisfied. Nothing went to waste, I know how to preserve food and sustain my family...with the added bonus of sharing my knowledge and hard work with others.
This weekend produced:
6 pints of dill pickle relish
1 quart and 16 half pints of Fiesta Salsa
12 pints plus 6 half pints of Bruchetta in a Jar
12 half pints plus 6 pints of spicy zucchini relish
Thanks to (at some points this weekend it was Damn you! :) ) Grandpa Sterling and Shirley for all the produce.
This weekend produced:
6 pints of dill pickle relish
1 quart and 16 half pints of Fiesta Salsa
12 pints plus 6 half pints of Bruchetta in a Jar
12 half pints plus 6 pints of spicy zucchini relish
Thanks to (at some points this weekend it was Damn you! :) ) Grandpa Sterling and Shirley for all the produce.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Tuesday, or second Monday...
It's still too hot.
I tried to take My for a walk for the first time in weeks...still trying to come back from straining my foot a couple of weeks ago. Damn gravity. I thought, meh - it's a little breezy, doesn't feel as hot as it has been feeling, I need to get off my ample ass...let's do it. Yeah. It was a good start. My was super excited to go! She was jumping about, almost fell down the stairs of the greenhouse, barking! Conclusion: It was too hot. My seemed to have some problems breathing with her head collar on. My foot started aching five minutes into it. Sweat starting trickling down the small of my back, my face started to melt a bit where the rims of my sunglasses just barely touched my cheeks. Awesome. Checked the temp when we got back and it was 96°. Holy hot! What was I thinking? Oh, I dunno...get myself off the couch for at least a little bit? Take my sicky white dog on a little walk, something she adores? Maybe get out of the faked false coolness of temperature-controlled structures for a little while? Ya think?
My is doing ok. She was panting this morning before work...something unusual for her. It stressed me out all morning and early afternoon until Katie came by to let Sadie out and informed me that all was well at home. I feel pretty sheepish about the obsessing. I felt bad about leaving her, but what am I going to do if I stay home? Stare at her? Constantly count and record her breaths per minute? Scrutinize the outlines of Sadie's bony outline stretched across the ottoman? Re-align the yoga mat path (again) to ensure there's no slippery spots for Sadie to lose her traction and fall?
None of these things relieve the anxiety.
Tick tock, tick tock.
I tried to take My for a walk for the first time in weeks...still trying to come back from straining my foot a couple of weeks ago. Damn gravity. I thought, meh - it's a little breezy, doesn't feel as hot as it has been feeling, I need to get off my ample ass...let's do it. Yeah. It was a good start. My was super excited to go! She was jumping about, almost fell down the stairs of the greenhouse, barking! Conclusion: It was too hot. My seemed to have some problems breathing with her head collar on. My foot started aching five minutes into it. Sweat starting trickling down the small of my back, my face started to melt a bit where the rims of my sunglasses just barely touched my cheeks. Awesome. Checked the temp when we got back and it was 96°. Holy hot! What was I thinking? Oh, I dunno...get myself off the couch for at least a little bit? Take my sicky white dog on a little walk, something she adores? Maybe get out of the faked false coolness of temperature-controlled structures for a little while? Ya think?
My is doing ok. She was panting this morning before work...something unusual for her. It stressed me out all morning and early afternoon until Katie came by to let Sadie out and informed me that all was well at home. I feel pretty sheepish about the obsessing. I felt bad about leaving her, but what am I going to do if I stay home? Stare at her? Constantly count and record her breaths per minute? Scrutinize the outlines of Sadie's bony outline stretched across the ottoman? Re-align the yoga mat path (again) to ensure there's no slippery spots for Sadie to lose her traction and fall?
None of these things relieve the anxiety.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
So true!
"It was hard for me to acknowledge that in the end, we truly are all in the same boat. And that now matter what are differences, we sink or swim together. That's how it seems to be everywhere else. They take care of each other, no matter what their disagreements. You know, when we see a good idea from another country, we grab it. If they build a better car, we drive it. If they make a better wine, we drink it. So if they've come up with a better way to treat the sick, to teach their kids, to take care of their babies, to simply be good to each other, then what's our problem? Why can't we do that? They live in a world of 'we', not 'me'. We'll never fix anything until we get that one basic thing right. And powerful forces hope that we never do. And that we remain the only country in the western world without free, universal health care. You know, if we ever did remove the chokehold of medical bills, college loans, daycare, and everything else that makes us afraid to step out of line, well, watch out."
- Michael Moore, Sicko
***
"Keeping people hopeless and pessimistic - see I think there are two ways in which people are controlled - first of all frighten people and secondly demoralize them."
"An educated, healthy and confident nation is harder to govern."
- Tony Benn, exerpt from Sicko
***
The Medical Establishment, or Mafia has no interest in making people better. They are only interested in profits. We put a man on the moon FOURTY-FIVE years ago and today in our country we have people committing suicide because they can't afford the medical care they need. Families are homeless because they lost everything due illness or accident and the resulting medical bills. Our Veterans are suffering and dying alone because they can't get the medical care from the entities that were created solely to provide their medical care. I can't use my own money that has been earmarked in my FSA (Flexible Spending Account) for medical unless prescribed by a doctor (no Advil/Aleve, Nyquil, accupuncture, massage, vitamins...not even a gym membership!)...it's not allowed unless the Medical Mafia gets their cut. They have even entered the Veternary realm...my Miss My is on Lasix, a drug whose patent expired years ago. It costs me $12 for one month. The hot new drug for heart failure in dogs is called VetMedin. It costs $77 per month. $77!
I could go on and on about this issue, but I will stop for now. In the meantime, Stay Healthy!!!
- Michael Moore, Sicko
***
"Keeping people hopeless and pessimistic - see I think there are two ways in which people are controlled - first of all frighten people and secondly demoralize them."
"An educated, healthy and confident nation is harder to govern."
- Tony Benn, exerpt from Sicko
***
The Medical Establishment, or Mafia has no interest in making people better. They are only interested in profits. We put a man on the moon FOURTY-FIVE years ago and today in our country we have people committing suicide because they can't afford the medical care they need. Families are homeless because they lost everything due illness or accident and the resulting medical bills. Our Veterans are suffering and dying alone because they can't get the medical care from the entities that were created solely to provide their medical care. I can't use my own money that has been earmarked in my FSA (Flexible Spending Account) for medical unless prescribed by a doctor (no Advil/Aleve, Nyquil, accupuncture, massage, vitamins...not even a gym membership!)...it's not allowed unless the Medical Mafia gets their cut. They have even entered the Veternary realm...my Miss My is on Lasix, a drug whose patent expired years ago. It costs me $12 for one month. The hot new drug for heart failure in dogs is called VetMedin. It costs $77 per month. $77!
I could go on and on about this issue, but I will stop for now. In the meantime, Stay Healthy!!!
Monday, July 21, 2014
12:27pm
I'm lying on the couch watching Sex and the City. That's a whole story in itself. Sadie is asleep on her ottoman and My is sleeping on the floor in front of the fan. Her respirations are the lowest I've seen in weeks. Her eyes are closed tightly and the tips of her ears are fluttering in the cool breeze of the fan.
We went to the vet this morning to get a urine sample and follow up xrays. They looked great! She has much less fluid in her lungs...You can see space in her chest cavity! Of course, she still has end-stage heart disease, but I think she will be with us for a bit longer.
Miss Sade looks comfortable as she sleeps.
Sweet baby girls.
We went to the vet this morning to get a urine sample and follow up xrays. They looked great! She has much less fluid in her lungs...You can see space in her chest cavity! Of course, she still has end-stage heart disease, but I think she will be with us for a bit longer.
 |
| My's chest cavity on 7.7.14 |
 |
| My's chest cavity today, 7.21.14. Black areas are good...no fluid! |
Miss Sade looks comfortable as she sleeps.
Sweet baby girls.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
still later...
My prayer for today: Lord, though I wander in darkness among the ravenous, jealous, and greedy heathens, give me the vision and the strength to see a better tomorrow. Yea, though I drive through the land careening with idiots who have zero respect or courtesy for others, give me the patience to not commit fiery road rage. As I witness the poverty, the sadness, the injustice, the murders, the hate-mongering, the anger, the closed-mindedness of my fellow humans, give me the courage to strive against utter hopeless. As I watch my world turned upside down by the thoughtless actions of others, I will remain clear and focused. As I watch more and more children brought into the desolation of our society, I will try to remember that only I am capable of changing my world. Grant me the grace and serenity not to crawl under a log. Amen.
Late on a Saturday night
"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."
-Albert Camus
So, I have shrugged it off. It is strange to me that at one moment I feel like I am trapped in some deepening damp hole filled with clutching hands pulling me in…and then the next I am back into my normal, cynical, living skin. Ah, the human condition. My hair is still stunning, the basil is green, and yes, the plumbing is still functioning normally.
-Albert Camus
So, I have shrugged it off. It is strange to me that at one moment I feel like I am trapped in some deepening damp hole filled with clutching hands pulling me in…and then the next I am back into my normal, cynical, living skin. Ah, the human condition. My hair is still stunning, the basil is green, and yes, the plumbing is still functioning normally.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Watching and waiting
Today is day eight after My's diagnosis.
Camping trip was successful. She hiked 2.5 miles with me around the lake. She wagged her tail and loved all the attention that was lavished on her. She loved being wrapped in her warm, borrowed blanket and slept for a couple hours in the tent before we went to bed each night. Thank goodness for the rigid door of our tent.
We went to the holistic vet on Monday evening. It was in a lovely part of south Nampa, very picturesque. An excellent place for a vet's office, I think. The floors in the waiting room were bamboo with Chinese symbols as a border. Dr. Ault was matter of fact and brusque. She did a physical exam and then some kinesthetic work. She prescribed several more supplements to add to the drugs she's taking. She's lost 7 pounds in the last 7 days, we can presume is fluid loss from the diuretic.
I still am filled with anxiety. I want to do the right thing by my beloved Miss My...but I have to be truthful, I am $1000 in so far in the last two months and I don't know how much more is healthy for either of us. The expenditure of money makes me anxious, and the anxiety over being anxious over the expenditure is real as well. I'm watching her every move...wondering if she's breathing too hard or is too hot in this oppressive heat.
Then there is Sadie. She's had a hard time walking in the house...She did great camping. She seemed able to get around quite well on the dirt and asphalt when camping. She swam a ton, did well in the life jacket (in the water only...She froze up and fell on her side like she was dead when we out it on her on land. Kind of sadly hilarious.) I'm hoping she just needs to get used to being back in the house and navigating between the yoga mats we have all over.
I feel like when I concentrate on one if them I am forgetting the other one. Again, more anxiety. I want to show then equal love. But their needs are so different. And Sadie hasn't even been to vet. Dear God, what would happen if I took her in? Jeebus! Again, the balance between what I want to provide for them and their age is so hard to maintain.
I love them so much...I hope that I may make the correct decisions for them both and maintain our love, our lives, and our hearts without regrets.
Camping trip was successful. She hiked 2.5 miles with me around the lake. She wagged her tail and loved all the attention that was lavished on her. She loved being wrapped in her warm, borrowed blanket and slept for a couple hours in the tent before we went to bed each night. Thank goodness for the rigid door of our tent.
We went to the holistic vet on Monday evening. It was in a lovely part of south Nampa, very picturesque. An excellent place for a vet's office, I think. The floors in the waiting room were bamboo with Chinese symbols as a border. Dr. Ault was matter of fact and brusque. She did a physical exam and then some kinesthetic work. She prescribed several more supplements to add to the drugs she's taking. She's lost 7 pounds in the last 7 days, we can presume is fluid loss from the diuretic.
I still am filled with anxiety. I want to do the right thing by my beloved Miss My...but I have to be truthful, I am $1000 in so far in the last two months and I don't know how much more is healthy for either of us. The expenditure of money makes me anxious, and the anxiety over being anxious over the expenditure is real as well. I'm watching her every move...wondering if she's breathing too hard or is too hot in this oppressive heat.
Then there is Sadie. She's had a hard time walking in the house...She did great camping. She seemed able to get around quite well on the dirt and asphalt when camping. She swam a ton, did well in the life jacket (in the water only...She froze up and fell on her side like she was dead when we out it on her on land. Kind of sadly hilarious.) I'm hoping she just needs to get used to being back in the house and navigating between the yoga mats we have all over.
I feel like when I concentrate on one if them I am forgetting the other one. Again, more anxiety. I want to show then equal love. But their needs are so different. And Sadie hasn't even been to vet. Dear God, what would happen if I took her in? Jeebus! Again, the balance between what I want to provide for them and their age is so hard to maintain.
I love them so much...I hope that I may make the correct decisions for them both and maintain our love, our lives, and our hearts without regrets.
Monday, July 7, 2014
My Beloved Mylie
I'm very sad to report that our visit to the vet today was full of bad news. My has been diagnosed with dialated cardiomyopathy. The vet started by noting that he could barely feel a pulse in her femoral arteries on her back legs. X-rays confirmed that her heart is severely enlarged, taking up nearly all of the space in her chest cavity. It is compressing her lungs, which are full of fluid. She turned blue when they had her on her side to complete the x-ray, so they put her on oxygen for a bit. She's been prescribed three drugs, Lasix to help dissipate the fluid in her lungs, one to reduce the enlargement of her heart, and another to open her blood vessels so that her weak heart can get more oxygenated blood to her body. Without the drugs, her prognosis was only days before she starts to suffocate. Even with them, she's only going to be with us for one to two months. Her recent issues were certainly caused by hypoxia (not enough oxygen to her brain).
As I sit here with the few tears I have left rolling down my face, I am trying to comfort myself knowing that we've given her the best life possible, but it's not really working. I'm not sure if it's better to know she's going to die soon, and watching her every move like a hawk...living in a constant state of fight-or-flight, being hyper-vigilant; or just to have lost her suddenly. I thought that I was so smart, thinking that her undiagnosed UTI was to blame for her recent vestibular incidents (seizures)...and in going to the vet to confirm my own "diagnosis," discovering that my little white dog is terminally ill, and soon, is so shocking. I guess it's good to be told that it is genetic and degenerative and could never have been predicted; not something that started or got worse by her mom's sins of omission or blindness.
She appears to be her usual self...which makes the possibility of her dropping dead at any moment all the more distressing to me. We've decided to maintain our plans to go on our annual camping trip, despite the vet's back-handed recommendation that we don't. We want to keep her life as much the same as we possibly can, as nothing will change her prognosis. We hope to give her one last time in the outdoors, exploring, sunning herself, eating the kids' uneaten hot dogs...before she leaves us for the great beyond. But, I can't help being mad as hell. She's the only baby I'll ever have and right or wrong, she is my baby girl. I know she can feel my anguish and my tears right now, as she has always been so sensitive to my emotions...I should stop. This emotional tidal wave is not good for my heart, nor for her huge (literally and figuratively), precious heart.
Please bear with me...this is and will be very hard for us, but it is Nature's true and sometimes cruel Law that all things come to an end. It is an immutable truth that none of us can change or undo. I apologize in advance if I am unable to give or even speak without breaking down for a while...I can't help it. Life is fragile, and all the more aching when lost. Especially when it is my sweet Mailie, whose only need was to be loved, who never asked for anything but love, and who now cannot, by even the fiercest love, be saved.
This heat...
To be in a snow and ice-encrusted igloo, free from the heat of the gorged Sun, the sweat of billions of cars (Oh! How they try in vain to force Winter through their insignificant plastic vents!), the waves of hot, blistering smoke that roll across the shimmering landscape. My dream: To huddle on windswept tundra, shivering in the cold, arching my back in a trembling stretch. To be out from under the heat that makes me shudder, sucking the air from my lungs, bleeding me to death by osmosis. Ah, to be frosty under plastic, a Dreamsicle maybe...so cold - air sticking to each fine, misty drop of crystalline moisture. To escape the stuffy, thick, heavy air and dive naked underneath smooth, light, obscenely expensive liqueur over ice. Feeling slow and deathly pale. To move from the achingly hot of today into the painfully cold, blue, suffocation of Winter.
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